Crazy Halloweenie Martinis

I needed about 16 after throwing a party for 30 preschool and elementary aged children the night before Halloween.

Especially when it poured the entire night.

Thank goodness for friends with canopies, stretched out, end to end along our back yard, as well as durable carpet.

I was having far too much fun that I never took photos of the actual party. So here is one. And the others are of my children, NOT dressed up for Halloween. I honestly have no explanation as to why.

Whatever.

Mr. Preschool 2010

It doesn't get much cuter than this.

Tattling...

You would think that I am going to post about my kids telling on each other, but no.

I am writing about my kids tattling about Dave and me.

We got a lecture from them (Blake mostly, Parker arms crossed, head nodding up and down, saying "yup" over and over) about Dave and I "arguing".

We are not really yellers in our house. Frustrations come and go, and are quickly discussed, and then everyone moves on.

Today Dave and I were having a "discussion" about my painting abilities. He really really really (REALLY!!!!) didn't want me to repaint my dining and living room.

Don't care.

Down goes the red (soooo Eddie Bauer Spring of 2001...) and up goes the most lush combination of Santorini Blue and Hush.

Dave didn't like my technique.

I don't like painting.

So if I do a bad enough job, he will come do it for me. See how that works?

All of a sudden Blake bursts out from Parker's room and yells, "Okay you two, this one is going straight to Nanna and Grandma. We are telling them about this arguing."

Dave and I look at each other, our eyes get really big, and we cover our mouths so he can't hear us gasping for air.

He then says, "Now good luck with that!" and slams the door behind him.

And while prepping Parker that Blake would now be gone in the mornings, his response was, "Dat's Sine Mommy. We sould just go to the mall esery day."

Presenting...

View Ridge Elementary's Cutest New Kindergartner...who's favorite color might be red?

What?

"I mean Mommy, think about it. If Jesus is in my heart, who is in Jesus' heart?"

You are Blake.

"By the way, Mommy. How heavy do you think God is?"

Ask your daddy Blake, he knows.

My kids are bound and determined to own bunk beds.

"Ring" in the 4th

Right.

Dave and I almost handed ours back to each other after thinking it would be a darling experience to let our kids ride their decorated bikes in the Downtown Bothell 4th of July Parade.

Who hates themselves and their spouse so much that they would put themselves through such a stupid and horrid event? Parker can't ride a bike, let alone steer straight, so Dave brought a long painter's extension pole to help him head in the right direction.

Yes, you read that right. The pole kept slipping off the back of Parker's trike, and Parker kept heading into the gobs of children whose parent's were smart enough to let them just sit on the sidelines and beg for candy...

From Blake. Who was trying to pedal, steer, wave, ride downhill, smile, wave, brake, wave, all while trying to pass out taffy.

I almost killed him.

And then I started laughing.

Dave almost killed me...with a painter's pole.

Remember the time that I cleaned out all of my kids toys, and left them each with next to nothing?

I was so pleased that I took pictures.

And forgot to show you.

How selfish of me.

Like I said, Blake will pick flowers for me at any cost.

Yesterday he told me it would be cheaper, and "more honest" if we just started planting seeds rather than picking other people's flowers.

Play On...

Who knew that the traveling pianos would end up in Everett of all places!

I have no clue what this is.

$10 buck to the person who can tell me exactly what or who it belongs to.

Blake found it in the back yard and laid it on my desk.

He wanted to surprise Dave with it when he got home from work, so I told him to put it in a plastic bag, and to wash his hands 6 times.

Dave never got to see it.

Because we can't find the plastic bag.

Anywhere.

In my very best Parker voice...

"Mommy, I want to eat whad dat boyz eating!"

Parker and I took a field trip to the University Bookstore.

With everything in him, he tried to convince me to buy him both of these books.

We opted for a wind up dino.

Pack it up, move it out

If you only knew how much time Dave takes to fold all of our family's clothing while it is still hot from the dryer. I have been told this keeps the wrinkles out.

Hmmmm...makes sense.

So when we find that Parker spent 2 hours while he was suppose to be napping, unpacking his drawers and laying suitcases on top of them...it kind of makes my way of folding clothes seem a little more practical, no?

Garbage in the Mailbox

Parker convinced my mom that Oscar the Grouch needed a little tender loving care, in the form of a crayon filled page from his coloring book.

Oscar was grouchy enough to take the time to write Parker back.

My kids love snails.

It's just that simple.

It's just that gross.

"Mommy, do you think that my wife would be okay with us having a hot tub at our house in Hawaii someday?"

Yup.

I guess I should find it so darling, and unbelievably sweet, but sometimes, I just find it downright annoying.

Blake will do WHATEVER it takes to pick flowers for me. I try to park in the middle of a parking lot so that he doesn't get distracted by the flowers in a garden bed next to the parking spot. I am constantly spraying dandelions to not have to place them in a vase one. more. time...

Parker and I were outside riding bikes with Blake, when all of a sudden, I look over and Blake has marched his way down to the creek in front of our house.

All in an effort to pick white flowers from the weeds that are sufficating the trees that the city just planted last Spring.

There is no "He Loves Me Not."

This kid LOVES ME!

I have heard this time and time again, but it doesn't really set in until you start listening to your children talk to each other. They are so observant, and mimic everything you say and do. On more than 30 occasions, Dave has asked me if I give my kids lessons in sarcasm on a daily basis.

Actually, yes I do. In between lessons on how to throw a football, and tying the perfect ribbon bow.

I was getting ready yesterday, and walked by my bedroom door to see Parker, standing in his bedroom with a Pottery Barn Kids Star wall hook in his hand. He is looking down at it, and Blake is hovered over him.

"Parker. Listen. If you just go and tell Mommy what happened, it is so much better than if she finds out by herself. If you wait...the Queen Witch will come out."

Yikes

I promise...my kids are still alive.

I have run out of time lately, but am compiling many stories about dead bird claws, questions about God, books my 3 year old chooses, and how to really ring in your husband's 35 birthday in style.

Stay tuned.

Team Needham

Happy Birthday Dave

I guess it's time to come clean...it's taken me about a month to figure out how to make this post funny, while not making me out to be a "sometimes" crappy wife.

Let's jump back to June 2nd.

Dave turns 35.

I have just spend the 2 weeks prior, single parenting, while one child is graduating preschool, finishing up 16 memory books, dealing with a toddler's 101 temperature, trying to unsuccessfully potty train a 3 year old, attending kindergarten preview night, packing my family for 5 days away, preparing 5 days worth of meals, loading the car alone, and driving through the night to spend 5 nights with two of our most favorite couples, and a total of 5 children under the age of 5...in rainy Whistler.

I was tired.

So like I cared that it was his birthday.

He asked me the night before if I wanted to get up with him in the morning to see him off to work on his birthday.

Nope.

When we finally did call him to sing to him at 11am, my kids both had a mouth full of cereal and you couldn't understand anything they were saying.

Whatever.

He told me that his office was taking him to lunch. When I called him to see where he went, he said that everyone left without him.

Whoops.

About 5 o'clock I decided I'd better rally. I brushed my hair, teeth, and put on a pair of sweatpants.

Earlier in the day I had bought a box of cake mix. (this never happens...) This was in the same shopping trip where I told my chidlren I just wanted to go home, so they would leave me alone.

Sometimes I'm a crappy mom too!

I glopped the cake mix into muffin tins, overfilling each one. When they came out of the oven, I shaved off the sides.

Parker asked if we could get noise makers for Daddy.

I hate noise.

He ran to the recycle bin and pulled out an empty box of vitamins. Noise Maker, check.

He also said we needed a pinata for daddy.

No we don't.

Back to the recycling bin he goes...this time coming out with a cereal box. Pinata, check.

While I am taking the roasted chicken that I found in the back of my freezer out of the oven, my children are going around the house collecting items for the pinata.

Poor Dave...

After dinner, Dave told me that he would give the boys a bath, because, "I think that the cupcakes will look better after you frost them..."

Really?

Jammies on, pinata tied to the dining room table chair, spatula ready to break the baby open.

Out falls the following birthday presents:

2 Lego shields
A tape measure
My hairbrush
Dave's electric razor

You know it's love...

When goggles make a girl swoon.

Mission accomplished.

I weally weally wike baguls.

Hamsters and Boys...Oh the Joys!

When I was a little girl, I had a hamster. For some reason, my parents thought it was a better idea than getting a dog. I hated cleaning the cage, so it always stunk like pee. And because I hate the smell of pee, I now hate hamsters.

Jump forward now 20 years...and I have two boys. One that pees standing up, and one that pees lying down, standing up, sitting down, kneeling over...whatever.

But for our current issue, we are going to put Blake in the hot seat. Not Dave, he is unbelievably clean. I think that I have scared him into it. I wouldn't be surprised if he bleaches the rim of the bowl when he is done.

For the last couple of weeks, I have been having "phantom" hamster smell in my guest bathroom. It is making me absolutely crazy. It is all I think about, obsess about, and it is all I smell.

Today, for the 4th time this week, I got down on my hands and knees, and smelled every crack and crevice in that entire bathroom. At one point, even my hair got wet from dipping it in the toilet bowl.

I think I am going crazy.

I washed the shower curtain and liner. I bleached the tub (I am hoping Blake's aim isn't thaaaat bad.). I folded up sheets of paper towel and stuffed them in any space that could possibly need a paper towel stuffed. Finally, I poured baking soda all over my toilet.

Then I gave Blake a lesson on how to pee. Hold on, and aim.

If he doesn't get it, I am making him sit from now on.

Or...bleach the bathroom after every use.

Just DO it

A lie is when you convince someone to believe something other than the truth.

I lied to my children.

They want bunk beds.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO badly.

I think it is a stupid idea.

I told them that they could have them when Mommy got pregnant with a little girl.

Blake and Parker are so excited. Not only do they get bunk beds, but they also get a little sister!

But here is where the lie comes in...Remember? I am done having children. DONE.

Oh, and I don't have plans on adopting one either. Don't worry.

I told the boys that if mommy had another baby, I would never have enough time to answer all of their questions.

About a week after our initial baby and bunk bed convo, Blake says to me, "Mommy. I think that I have all of the answers I need. I don't have anymore questions. You can go ahead have a baby girl in your tummy now."

So...should I lie to him and tell him that his daddy didn't just email me and ask me to start researching "snipper doctors?"

The Art of Becoming a Boy

Dirt
Mud
Bugs
Trains
Peeing in the Forest

All things that I am beginning to appreciate more and more.

Since literally taking almost all of my kids toys away, (you think I joke...) I have realized how much creativity my kids have in them. From making guns out of plastic coat hangers, to bob sledding down the hall in the laundry basket, I want my boys to live a life a where they aren't stifled by "stuff"

It's finding the right amount of "reasonable mess" (breathe Wendy...) and controlled chaos. I like this best when it is outside the walls of my manicured and well kept home.

So we called up our most darling friends, The Glenns, (whose boys are one week older than Blake, and three days younger than Parker!!) and headed to Haworth Park down the street from out house. We were well equipped with boots, dirty jeans, hats, and snacks. I however forgot to apply my water proof mascara upon departure from our house.

It poured...and poured, and then poured a whole lot more.

We splashed, slipped, peed in the woods (them, not me...and unfortunately not Parker...), screamed, laughed, cried, stuffed rocks in our pockets, caught bugs, watched trains, and got really really dirty.

It might have been one of the most amazing afternoons of my life.

Jesus in my heart

"Mommy, check this out! There's my heart, and there's Jesus right inside it! Oh, and my name next to it in case you forget."

Does Jesus have a handle bar stash?

Smile!!!

This is how Parker and I occupied ourselves for 75 minutes while we watched his brother get soaking wet at T-Ball practice last week.

My kids ask me all the time to take them out to lunch. I don't see the point when we have perfectly good and healthy food at our house.

Today when I told them no, they asked me to call my mom, she would take them to lunch.

"Dat Nana Gurl...she weally wikes wunch."

munch munch munch

Brusha Brusha Brusha

We went to the dentist this morning for Kids Day.

The theme of the day was baseball, and both of my children dressed themselves.

Blake was standing tall, ready in his t-ball outfit, and Parker in his Husky gear.

Who knew that we would run into the sparkly-wand-making, silly-face-painting Tooth Fairy before our appointment.

Naturally, Blake is an astronaut, while Parker is a pirate. (but not to be confused with a dalmatian.)

I have been told that neither will be taking a bath for at least 3 days.

Eeew.